Pre Vacation Rush: Part III

I am much calmer today. The fact that I stayed up till 3am trying to get on top of things at work helped I suppose. Once I was at full swing I stopped only when everything was done and wrapped up. The phone on my table displayed 3:00. And then I went home and ironed all my clothes, while I watched a recorded episode of ER from this Thursday and went to sleep around 5am.

I also went to the library yesterday and borrowed an extra four books. “Alicia en el país de las maravillas” (Alice in wonderland) should be an interesting read since I haven’t read it in a while, but I made sure one of the books I checked out was a dictionary since I don’t expect too much connectivity on the beach. The lady checking the books out also renewed my other 4 books that I haven’t returned yet. An impish smile and an explanation that my spanish reading is really slow, didn’t particularly entertain her much.

So I’ve put money into the checking account, paid my rent in advance. My fishes have been re-homed. I have charged up my cell phone calling card to India. Emails have been sent out. Out-of-office assistant is turned on. Re-chargeable batteries have been charged. Laptop is charged.

I haven’t packed yet. Sigh!

If I can keep up the same pace, then maybe I can still go clubbing and yet catch the flight early morning. Maybe I shouldn’t go to sleep at all. Ok that’s just crazy. I need to save my energy to go clubbing in Honolulu.

I talked to my friend yesterday with whom I am going to be staying and we just were too lazy to make concrete plans yet. (I was too busy still scrambling getting things done at work) so we put off planning to Saturday when I get there.

Alrighty people! I am officially on vacation now that its after 5pm on Friday evening. Y’all have a fun weekend, now.

Pre Vacation Rush: Part II

Pre vacation not going well at all. I have all these things piled up to do at work that I need to get done before I leave. I am starting to worry if I will be able to get it done. This is the bad side of a vacation. You know that things are going to get piled up for you to deal with when you get back. Its not like your work load is suddenly zero, its just that you are temporarily suspending having to deal with it. When you get back the pile of emails and meetings that have been waiting for you to get back are going to be there……and crib on and crib forth.

I haven’t packed at all. And I think I will be working late today too. It will be two hours before my flight that I am probably going to end up having time to actually do it. How sad is it when a gay guy is expected to pack for three weeks in 2 hours. Just not possible. I have to set time away tomorrow evening to pack otherwise I will go crazy. Ok, so I am starting to get a little paranoid. What’s new?

I took LordOfHearts and EternalGirlfriend to dinner to a Mediterranean place yesterday. I normally find it easier to take people out for their birthdays instead of buying them a gift. I am a little lazy that way. His dinner has been pending since July and hers was from earlier in that month.

Ok, short one today. Got to go and do some more work. My phone is off the hook and I have emails coming in every minute. Is it really just my imagination that things are out of control today?

Pre Vacation Rush: Part I

I had one of those eerie moments last night when I was driving back home from work. It was all quiet and no other cars around. The wind was blowing intermittently. I swerve around the curves on my way home. The trees on both sides are heavy and make the whole place dark. Only my headlights to illuminate the way. Suddenly a gust blows all the dry leaves that have been raked up on the sides on to my car. The rustling of the leaves is really loud as they fly around and above the car. There is this strange creepy feeling and my skin feels as though a wave passes through me. Its Halloween time everybody!

I am going to miss the Halloween party in my company this year and the celebration downtown where about ten thousand people gather every year in costumes. I will miss this place. I will miss home. I’m sure I can catch up with all the scary movies that get released. But there is no fun watching them after Halloween, is there? The feeling in the air has to be just right.

3 days to Hawaii. I have taken the printouts of all the websites that I had browsed and pieces of which I had pasted onto multiple word documents that all say the same thing. I have gotten hold of some maps on the net which I also printed out. I have made arrangements for my pick up and drop off. TheRock will be dropping me off at the airport at 5:30 in the morning this Saturday and LordOfHearts and EternalGirlfriend will be picking me up on Nov 12th. My Fishes are safely to be moved to TheRock’s house.

I will try to blog as I will be having my trusty Laptop with me. But it might not be more than once a week. So let’s see about that. What is a trip to paradise if you can't note down your thoughts and send it to others later? And there will be pictures.

My trainer tricked me into training my biceps twice by telling me that they were two different exercises. By the time I was done with the second one, my biceps were so sore that they still ache 40 odd hours later. She very gladly pointed out why they were sore when I told her that they were sore. But she said it with such a nice smile that I could hardly feel much ill will towards her.

Quote of the Day: So much to do. So much to do.

So what is your favourite line in the Desiderata? Tell me. I like most of it, but if I had to pick a few:

1. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
2. ..and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.
3. Be yourself....for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it (love) is as perennial as the grass.

Saturday's Exploits

I woke up really late on Saturday. Jerry and I had planned to go to the big city. So we started off and reached a friend’s place by early evening. On the way we listened (very loudly) to the soundtrack of the musical “Les Miserables”. We were stuck in congestion for more than an hour and one person even rolled down her window and asked if it was Les Miserables. We, very triumphantly, replied that it indeed was. We watched some baseball match which Jerry was all excited about. I had no interest in watching whatsoever, but Jerry wanted to. So I sat quietly until it was over. After that we went clubbing.

So the big city has a gay district and they have it done really well. Very nice and classy, so I do like the place quite a bit. We went over to one of the clubs. Nice music. It was mostly stuff I knew so I danced a lot. After about 3 hours of dancing I was kind of tired and so around 3 or so I sat down near the bar. Some guy tried to pick me up. This guy was so nervous that I found it mildly amusing. I thought it was sweet. So this guy Ted told me that he was traveling and was not from this city, and he said that he was put up at a hotel room. Till that point I was having fun getting to know him and wouldn’t have objected to some fun makeout session. But at that point I realized that he just wanted to sleep with someone. Alas, I was really getting to like him. Anyway, as always, when I know that a person is looking to hook up for the night, I normally dont engage them furthur since I feel that otherwise I would be wasting their time as I have already decided not to sleep with anyone for now. So while he tried unsuccessfully to pick me up, I just left abruptly hoping that he would find someone else, but it was already about 4am. The place was open till 5am. Hope he had a nice time! Hope you picked up a nice guy Ted!

We met a couple guys that we normally see at home, in the big city club. It was just interesting that we would meet so many people in the big city that we know from the small city. It is a small world. Its an even smaller gay world. The club was otherwise fun. They had guys who had next to nothing on in two cages which wasn’t very interesting really. But then the guys got into the same cage and that was something (my eyes are really huge when I tell you this.) . Everybody stopped dancing and was just staring blatantly at the cage.

We came back to the friends place and slept till 10 in the morning and then drove back here. I slept the rest of the day on Sunday too.

You guys have been making some comments about Jerry and me. I want to remind you that Jerry is not my boyfriend. He knows that I am not interested in a romantic relationship with him. But we get along well and so I like hanging out with him. And as far as TheFire goes, its one of those relationships that you know is going to be stormy albeit passionate, but at this point in my life I am a bit tired. I’d rather go for a calm relationship where there is not so much drama. Just sweetness. Something soothing for the nerves. (Read about BlueWater in last paragraph of this link) If being single is what it takes rather than be in a wrong relationship then, so be it. But every now and then, I get perky and go out and have some fun. I don’t really intend to hurt anybody.

I don’t really know what it is with me and Latin men. I just fall for them so easily. It’s like they know exactly how to flirt. When I dance with TheFire, we just are always in Sync. Our eyes lock. Our bodies sway together and for a brief preiod i dont notice anybody else dancing around us.

TheFire is like a short version of Ricky Martin. Well, let me rephrase that. Ricky Martin is a taller version of ThFire. TheFire is .....So lithe. So petite. So sexy. There I go dreaming again! Thats why I refer to him as The Fire. Eternally enchating and yet burns you if you go too close. We are both stuck in a cosmic dance which will never end. I play, and then he plays. Neither of us getting it exactly right. But it leaves us both wanting just a little bit more. (~Music playing in my ears. Diamond Rio - One more day, One more time, One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do, Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you)

Life is a dance. Relationships are dances. You step right sometimes and you step wrong sometimes. The key is to keep smiling, get back to the dance and continue on. Graciously, with your dignity intact, head held high.

Quote of the Day: It is said that a large part of seduction is anticipation.

4 days to Hawaii. The exhilaration begins. Maybe its just the woozy feeling from me holding my breath. I am beggining to read and reread the same brochures over and over again.

Flirtsville

Friday night I had big plans of going to the gym and working out. It all turned out to be just that, plans. Hm….well, I came home and had some of my fish curry which I had made on Thursday night. I was already full, but when “The Rock” called, I said Yes to Thai food after that. So we had dinner with a couple who are friends of ours. I had way too much rice. There is just something about rice that makes me over eat. I am making a mental note to start packing off half of the stuff when I get there next time.

I was so full in fact that later that night when I went dancing with Jerry, I hardly felt like dancing. But it was all just a moment with Jerry before “The Fire” came across and saw me talking to Jerry. He was dressed in this ravishing dress, I tell ya. It was a simple black shirt and a blue jean but the shirt was made like it was made just for him. That narrow waist showing itself off in the shirt that hugged him closer than anybody else had before broadening out on his hips. Ok, yeah, I know that I am half in love with him…lol. :)

Read all about my past with TheFire

So he comes up and wants me to dance with him. So I tell him to go and dance by himself. He complains and says that he doesn’t want to dance alone. I crib that I want to finish my drink(pineapple and cranberry juice, since I had driven Jerry and had to drop him home) and that he can very well dance by himself. He just stands there with my hand on his waist and his on mine, while we both stand next to Jerry. He looks at me and it is only a few seconds before I will succumb to his charms now. I tell myself that I should not show weakness. Jerry steps in and takes my glass and tells us both that we should go and dance while he held my glass for me. I am hating Jerry right now.

So we walk over and start dancing. Two songs and we are both completely out of sync. Yes, I think to myself. I win. I look over to Jerry and see that he is nowhere to be found.
So I make that an excuse and leave “The Fire” on the floor. This has to be the first time that I have ever left the floor before him. Normally he always walks out on me. I feel like I have had my revenge. At this point I am drunk on the feeling of a successful blow off. :)

I go out and find Jerry. He is out smoking and chatting with someone else he knows. I stand around until he comes back in and we both start dancing. “The Fire” gets back in the dance floor after a while and pulls some guy I have never seen before and starts dancing with him. At this point he keeps looking over and I smile back a genuine full smile. He gives this naughty look and moves his hand from his shoulder to his hip across his body. Real slow. He knows what he is making me feel. So I continue dancing with Jerry. In fact, I start dancing really fast so that I don’t get caught staring at him. I keep dancing until he goes away from the dance floor and sits down. I and Jerry meanwhile go and get a drink for ourselves. Jerry wants to go out and have a smoke and so I take his beer and go and sit across from where “The fire” is sitting. He gives me this dirty look. I slouch down on my chair and rub his legs with my shoes. He is surprised. So I lean in and touch his cheeks and with my fingers and I caress the back of his head. The guy he was sitting next to him who was dancing with him earlier is now staring at me. But “The Fire” just smiles. He is still surprised, but he smiles. I stop. He says, “You are drunk”. So I say, “So I have to be drunk to do this?” He gives me a look. I smile back. I am beaming at this point.

We both flirt a bit more after that and we end up doing one small dance with each other in each others arms but there was nothing more. He then says his adieu and leaves for the night. Overall I had a smashing time.

Quote of the day: Flirting, the next best thing. :)

Craving Memories

So I’ve been thinking. Yeah, I know that my thinking never leads to any good, but I think anyways. I can understand why people crave food. It is essential for our body and over millions of years of survival, our body had adapted such that when our body lacks something, we crave it and then we eat and all is well.

But why do we feel nostalgic? I am convinced that it is some innate human behavior to reminisce and crave for something from the past. But why?

All this thinking was triggered by the fact that I had to read in the news that the earthquake response was slow because of holidays and then something about the conversation with my mom last Friday seemed to rise up from memory and I remember her saying something to my dad about the holidays which I hadn’t paid much attention to. I hadn’t even realized that it was Ayudha Puja time. Well being brought up a christian, the only non Christian festivals that were really of any interest to me were Pongal, Tamil new years day, Diwali and Holi. And even Holi got dropped off when we moved back to Chennai from Delhi but got added on again when I went to Pilani for my engineering.

The reason I am questioning myself is that of late I have been telling myself that even though I might have lost out on some of the festivals I have instead gained some more festivals like Fourth of July and thanksgiving and it’s just not reasonable to keep everything you had and only keep adding more. For example I had no exposure to garba whatsoever when in India, but when I came here I really really enjoyed it when I discovered it. No longer is garba one of those things my parents decribe as something they did when they were young.

Something about humans beings continuing to do things that we are used to and our hearts being programmed to feel a certain way if that doesn’t happen. Is it really a nutrition thing, or it is more a safe haven thing. Hm…I think its more a safe haven thing. That we feel happier and safer in places that bring back happy memories. Has that ensured human survival in some way? It seems plausible. Does that also mean that we should not go back to places that have bad memories for us because we will feel unsafe and unhappy somehow? It might be irrational but as long as you can justify why you are feeling a certain way I have no problems in embracing some irrational things.

Oh god. I am going into the infinite loop of not really making any sense and jumping from one thought to another without being able to fully grasp the enormity of what I am trying to grasp. It’s like when a fruit fly is trying to find a way to eat a fruit and flying round and round but the fruit is just too big. But eventually a fruit fly finds an opening. I, on the other hand haven’t really been able to tell if my thoughts are even coherent.

Urgh! It bugs me when I get like this. Must stop thinking!

Ok, I am trying to thinking about something else. Oh yes, my fishes gave birth again. Yeah, I know that you guys are bugged of hearing about my fishes but it still makes me happy everytime. So today went home for lunch and saw that there were tiny little fishes swimming around near the dense cover of plants. So I managed to net them and move them to a smaller bottle before leaving. I again thought about letting them stay in the big tank and see if they can actually survive the big fishes but something about tiny beings just born makes me all gooey inside and I'd rather that they live their first day in the big bad world without having to worry about being eaten. I know that the fishes probably don’t think so much, but it’s about how I would feel if i was in their place. I still haven’t figured out who the mother is. I have 5 potential mommies but all of them still seem quite “large” and I can't tell which one is todays mommy.

The dance class yesterday was good. Two fun moves. The "shared weight alternate dip", where you use your partner’s weight to propel yourself forward and them backward with one tug. the second being the "death drop" where you just stand right next to your partner and let them drop until both your hands are stretched tight and they have to stop falling. Many of us were not sure of doing it so the instructor decided to drop each of us himself so that we could have a feel for the drop. It was really cool. It was kind of like going on a ride. (hm..naughty thoughts.) The thrill and anticipation of when you are going to get dropped. Finally when my turn came, I went up to him and stood right next to him with my right shoulder tucked into his left chest and we held palm in palm near my chest. I smiled and he pushed me back. Bending at my knees on one foot and kicking the other one forward, I fell until my drop was broken and I was horizontal just a few inches off the floor. He then tugged me back into an upright position quite quickly. Too quickly. Its been playing in my head a few times now. Should I describe him? Perfect. Tall, slim, nice smile and nice powerful hold. He is gay, by the way. Oh, that was dreamy! But it really happened and it was awesome! I use too many exclaimation marks, dont I? I am too critical about whatever I do, am I not? :)

There is a dance competition that is going to be happening during my vacation and the instructor is even giving private lessons to those that are participating. Why could they not have had it the week after, I ask you? But Hawaii sings its sweet siren-esque melodies in my ears and I forget all about reality. Again. 8 days to go.

Quote of the Day:

You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart. ~Author Unknown

About formal dancing: Dancing is wonderful training for girls; it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

Fall is here!

It had rained all night here but due to all the cloud presence, the weather was quite warm. I drove off the parking lot and into the road only to realize what a beautiful sight it was. The road is a two lane road, with trees stacked up on both sides. Some still light green, some yellowish and some showing signs of red and brown giving it an impressive fall coloring. But this isn’t what I found truly impressive. It was that the trees were all lightly drenched with drops falling off as you drove through. The leaves had fallen off during the rain and formed a yellowish brown border to the roads and the center of the road had another band of yellow and brown. The road was kind of semi dry. Dry in the center of the lanes and wet on the sides. As the cars drove past, the leaves whirled around but still stayed somewhat close to the bands of leaves on the road leaving the lanes relatively clean. This image seems stuck in my head as I drive my car twisting and turning with the lanes in slow motion. Ok maybe I am mixing a little imagination with reality.

Something weird happened. I lost my rear license plate. How does one lose their license plate? Apparently, one can, as I found out. It could either have just fallen off, in which case I am not as concerned, but alternately it could have also been stolen. In the case that it was stolen I am flattered (wink, wink) but a little scared that it could be used for some bad purpose that I am not aware of. I have a personalized license plate by the nickname, which the first guy I kissed, used to call me, way back in 6th grade. I was stopped by a cop yesterday who pointed this out to me. He told me to move the front plates to the back. He was rather polite I should add. I stopped by the DMV today to take care of it and they said that I can drive around the same way and gave me a piece of paper that stated that I have ordered for a new plate.

Quote of the day: Every now and then, time seems to slow down, pause for a moment and then start up again. It’s when something like that happens, that you realize how good you have it.

Musings of an Empty Mind

I am feeling quite content these days about my life. I think I am getting cozy with my routine again. I feel that I am doing the right amount of balance between work and life. I am finally taking some effort to have a personal life by learning to cook and to go to the gym and so I am spending some good quality time with myself. Who knew that spending quality time with oneself could have such a positive effect on yourself! :) I guess I always knew that but I never realised that it could have such a nice calming effect on me. All I hope for is that this status quo stays and doesn’t get blown away. Unfortunately the one thing in life that I have mostly certainly seen is that things do get changed often. Someone goes out of the routine and some newer people get added to the mix.

My fishes are for now my most stable companions. They eat and swim around. I am worried about what I am going to do during my vacations though. I have three weeks of time that I won’t be able to care for them. How are my friends going to keep them alive? Let’s see. I wonder if it will be ok to simply move all of them into my friends place.

Ok. I know that I am worrying way too much. But things go wrong and when you do things wrong you normally know the reason why, but when others do the same thing, you tend to blame them and wonder if you should have picked someone else.

Quote of the day: Randomness. It just happens.

Thoughts about the Gay Life

Over the weekend I had come out to yet another friend. I was worried that he would hear about me being gay soon since another person in our group was also gay and I had already given him the permission to spread the word. In a way, I find it really easy when other people spread the word since I feel that I don’t have to do the dirty work then. But there are those people that I want to tell since I’d rather have them hear it from me than from someone else.

It is unfair that gay people have to tell people who they like to have sex with. Do straight people ever have to tell us who they like to have sex with? It’s just uncouth. It’s something that is not polite. So why should gay people alone have to do it.

Anyways, after I told him, he was still in disbelief and it took some time for the information to completely sink in. I took the time to rattle on and on about how I was in love with this guy in my college and how I finally gave that up, painfully, and told him that I was in a very calm place right now in life and was happy and he was ok with the whole thing in general.

Jerry called me up yesterday and we talked for a while. But the conversation was continuously being interrupted. Some Indian guy who had recently moved to the US had met me in the parking lot today and had asked if he could look at my company’s classified ads to find a roommate. So I had invited him home and was helping him look at the wanted ads in my company intranet. After he left, I called Jerryback up only to hang up again when my friends “Lord of Hearts” and “Eternal Girlfriend” showed up to pick up a sleeping bag and some comforters, since they had some people staying over at their house, who had come from India in order to perform in some Indian classical dance recital. After they were gone, Jerry and I made plans to go to the Big City. We wanted to go before I left for my three week vacation that is coming up. We are planning to start out this Saturday morning and hang out until late and then go clubbing at night and stay the night at a friend’s place. But we will be back by Sunday afternoon. That’s the plan.

My personal goal for the week is the go to the gym everyday and do a little bit of cardio. So my plan for today evening is to go running for about 10 to 15 minutes and then do the ellipticals for another 10 or 15. Let’s see how that goes. I am also supposed to pick an aerobics class and go to class sometime. But I haven’t been able to pick a class yet. I wonder what spinning is like. I really would like to try it sometime, but I haven’t been able to go to the intro class yet. The intro class is only on the first Monday of every month and I still haven’t been able to attend that class. I wonder if maybe I should just walk in to class sometime.


A friend of mine had talked to me about “Blue Water” at the club this weekend. My head is still trying to make sense of it. He had made a statement when BW had passed by me and flicked my head and said a quick “Hi” to me. My friend had commented that BW liked me. So I made a generic statement, that he always said, that everybody likes me. So my friend re-stated and told me that BW had told him that he liked me. A note here for the readers perhaps that BW hardly speaks any English and my friend speaks Spanish and so he talks quite a bit with BW.

I was taken a little aback by the whole thing. I made a statement to my friend that I knew that a little bit but that nothing would really come of it since we both didn’t really speak much of the same language. But deep inside me, my head is starting to churn the possibilities and I generally tend to churn out possibilities for the next few years when I think of such things. Could I actually make it work with someone who hardly speaks English? Someone who smokes. Since other than these two, I really like the guy and think that he is very Hot!!

Oh well, but I have already talked to BW and told him that I didn’t want a boyfriend and he had said that he didn’t either. So we both had a lot of time to decide what we wanted. So there is definitely no rush there.

I also talked to another friend of mine over the weekend. Remember, I told you guys that I had been recently informed that he was gay. So I called him up and we were chatting for a while about how each of us had finally come to terms. It was nice talking to a gay person, but strangely I didn’t feel like that really made any difference at all. It was still the same as old times. I had driven up with him on a 17 hour long road trip, when I moved up here. Apparently, we both never knew that either of us was gay. It had never even occurred to me.

Oh, by the way people, I have added a lot of links to this webpage about the languages that I know and the places I have been to, in my life, in an effort to give a greater insight about my life. Please feel free to browse and email me if you want any more details.

Quote of the Day: Life. Serenely Frightening.

A Simple and Nice Weekend

The weekend was very calm and had the just the right mix of stuff for it to be a good weekend. Firstly I want to report to you guys that my fishes are still alive from Thursday. The male guppies are really busy chasing the females and each other. Talk about being horny!! Ok, I feel a little naughty. But seriously, I thought that they were going to have trouble adjusting to my tank but they seemed to be at home from the start and whenever I have been looking at them they are always chasing the females. Guppies are one of those fishes that actually have a unique mating dance. The males kind of swim around twisting their bodies and vibrating themselves and look like they are fanning themselves with their tails. This is apparently an attempt to seduce the females I am told. And then they wait to “nudge” the females when they get their chance. So anyways, I guess what I am saying is that I am glad that they are fitting in.

Friday started out being a very normal one with dinner with “The Rock”. We went to a Korean place near the university area, which was so spicy that I could hardly finish what I had ordered “Spicy Chicken Bulgogi”. So I took the rest of the stuff home. Then I dropped him home and went home. I talked for a whole lot of time to my parents. Jerry had called and left a message while I was chatting with my parents. He was really excited about some baseball team winning over someone else. He had said that I should call him either at home or at his brother’s place or would just see me at the club. After I was done talking with my parents, I called him but he wasn’t at home and I wasn’t sure about calling his brothers place so late at night. So I just assumed that I would see him at the club.

I went over to the club, but I couldn’t really find him. I met one of my co-workers and his partner. They were really nice people. His partner was kind of drunk and kept dancing with other people and I wasn’t really sure how to react since I didn’t want to say “no” and insult my co-worker but I didn’t want to over indulge and bug my co-worker. And so I was kind of dancing around a while until my co-worker came and whispered to me that he didn’t mind his partner dancing around with others guys and that he liked to watch his partner dance more than anything. I took that as a glaring go-ahead and dance. His partner was dancing a very Latin style and so I was inclined to join him. His partner was a spanish guy who spoke a decent amount of English. He was quite a strong lead and decided to take my hand and dance around. It was easy to dance with him and I had a lot of fun. I was even grinding with both of them for a while.

Saturday was a very late morning. I got up around 3pm. I did some shopping in order to cook my fish curry and to try and get it right this time. It turned out quite fine but I added a little too much spice in it and so it was burning my lips each time I tasted a piece. After cooking and keeping it aside, I decided that after that I did want to go to the dance soirée. So I went there around 7pm and we learnt to do the 2 step - nightclub style. I saw Maria who is also from my class. She was dressed really well. She was a little too pushy for my taste. She kept trying to get things exactly right. But since I didn’t have anybody else to dance with, I wasn’t complaining. Luckily for me, there were quite a few women who were sitting the dance out. So I was continuously dancing. One of them introduced herself over the appetizers as Cindy and wrote me down some instructions to come to social dances on Friday evenings. I gladly took it down but I don’t know how often I will get to go there.

After the dance I went home and freshened up before going to the club. I left a voice mail for Jerry to call me back and was hoping to see him at the club. I never did see him that day either. But I went in my formal dance dress and one of my friends commented asking why I was dressed so formally. That’s when I realized that I was dressed a little too formally for a dance club. So I went to the bathroom and took my shirt out of my pants and loosened up my hair a little. I danced my heart out for the rest of the evening but the music sounds so Latin to me these days for some reason. So I always end up doing some form of Latin dancing. (Yeah! In a night club.)

Anyways, I was tired soon and I went over and talked to “Blue Water”. His friend was very excited to see me. She went on chatting with me in English and I commented about how good her English had become. She works really hard. She works in a factory during the early mornings and in a restaurant during the evening. I am surprised that people would even have that much energy to get through the day. But on a positive note, its an awesome workout, to work that much. But anyway, after she went away, I had a few moments of conversation with “Blue Water”. The reason I call him “Blue Water” is that he is always so calm and has something good to say to most people. He is always very nice to his friend and pretty much hugs her most of the time. One thing I don’t like about him is that he smokes. He smokes a lot in fact. Anyways, we were sitting side by side and he asked me why I was single and so I asked him back the same question and he replied that he wanted to be single and so I told him that I wanted the same too. Somewhere there we both had a moment. But we both looked away and that was that.

Quote of the Day: When we chase love, it runs away and hides, but when we run away it chases us. Strange are its ways.

Dance, Baby Dance

It was the most fun class that I can remember having. We did the usual salsa-esque dancing but it had a lot more twists this time. We did a couple of the simple forms and then we did the variations. The one I liked best was the toe tapping, heel hitting, twist and turn. Even when done really slow it is quite fast since your whole body twists to one side each time you make a move. So doing these four steps in four seconds involves your body swinging completely four times. So after a few times you get really tired and I still haven’t mastered it yet. I keep having trouble with crossing my legs in front of each other as I keep getting crossed up or moving forward. Anyways, let me not bore you guys way too much.

The class also got invited to a Saturday evening soireé. I am not sure if I want to go since I don’t want to be sitting in the sidelines waiting for women to become free. I always have trouble approaching strangers since I feel that dancing should really be quite personal. I feel most comfortable in class with a lady called Sarah. She is much older but I feel most comfortable with her and all she cares about is dancing and not really about whether we are dancing right. So she is kinda fun since she doesn’t always worry about making mistakes but she also makes it hard when I really want to do something right, since she is moving independently and I am not really leading her then. She made a comment that she won’t be coming for the soirée, so I am really not sure if I want to go.

I stopped by at a natural food grocery store and bought some fruits there. I was curious to learn to make Indian food and have been waiting to get to a class that teaches Indian cooking at this shop but unfortunately the class for the month was already going on exactly at the time that I was there. I also stopped by to buy some more neon tetras and some male guppies in an aquarium store.

By the time I got home I had already missed most of my Thursday night comedy lineup. So I went early to bed with a book in hand. I have promised myself that I will try to finish a chapter of the book in the night time on days that I can. You see, my effort to learn Spanish is still at its teen years and although I know a lot of words, putting them into a good sentence, is still a major mental effort for me. So I have been borrowing small books for young children of about 10 years of age from the library and been trying to read then. The strange thing that I find about these books is that they are all really very serious and sad. I have no idea why. Books for kids should not have such serious themes like immigration and hardship in my opinion.

Quote of the Day: Dancing is the best form of workout.

Duncy, The Health Freak

I barely managed to get to the gym yesterday after work. But one thing is for sure, if i hadnt been paying money for the whole thing I would not have gone. That just simply means that keeping myself fit is not longer something that I can depend on my self control for. I agree that I still have full control over what I can eat, but I definitely have seen that I got to the gym, a lot more regularly if I had an appointment with someone and that someone is waiting for me to get started. So either I have to get a personal trainer or I have to get someone to start going to the gym with. If I could have got someone to get to go with me I would have done so already and so that kinda leaves me with a personal trainer.

I wonder how much more expensive it is going to be to get personal training than group training that I am doing right now. I have to find out. I have to find out for after my vacation at the end of this month. so when I get back in mid november, I will be ready to go back to the gym. I think I might be getting too ahead of myself here.

Anyway, Heather kinda pushed all of us into doing a quick routine for weight training and then we went to do some "mystery" exercises. I am telling you, its so much fun getting a trainer watching you. I would'nt be as enthusiastic about the whole thing. oh and by the way, the mystery exercise turned out to be a medicine ball and a rowing machine. But I am still looking forward to next week.

I had to come in early today at work since we had an early morning meeting at 9. I could have very well stayed on at home. I dont know why I was needed in the first place. but I have to leave early today for my dance class and so I guess that compensates.

Quote of the day: Eat only when your body requires you to eat. and always ask if you are really feeling hungry for this slice of bread. After a while you will know to stop eating when you are no longer hungry.

Health, Food and Exercise:

Did I mention to you guys that I had bought some neon tetras over the weekend? They look really beautiful. I really hope that they will stay alive. Most websites warn that they are very hard to keep alive these days and very hard to breed. But they have survived about three days now and that’s typically a good sign. What I really like about them is the glittering bands of blue and red that really make them colourful.

On Monday evening I went to the gym and the trainer made me to do push ups and crunches. I still feel a little stiff from Monday. The way I was doing push ups apparently was so wrong that the trainer did not even want to describe it to me. She simply said that it was very strange. I guess that as long as I get something good out of this experience I am not going to complain. I am for the first time in my life learning how the body should be exercised. You see, my dad is this person who never believed in sports and always thought that they were a waste of time. Not that I blame him entirely. I was very glad that he felt that way. I was always comfortable with the way I looked and didn’t really want to be more active. I justified it thinking that I was healthy and that’s what really mattered. But of course, there is way you can be thin without all the hard work of exercise. some people do manage but they are the lucky ones. The normal ones do tend to gain weight. So you have to exercise and watch what you are eating.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I am noting down everything that I am eating from Monday. I have been noting down my feelings before and after eating anything and making an effort to drink water as I eat. So I have three columns, the first one I write down what I ate, the second is how much calories I ate and the third is a description of what food group it falls under. So this way I have an approximate idea of how many calories I am taking in and what food groups I am really lacking.

The great thing about eating a healthy diet is that you know that you are not eating anything less. And so you are less likely to feel that you might be missing something and go on a binge eating spree. At least that’s how I feel. After all, you have a sheet in front of you in graphical format that tells you that you are each and every section that is listed in the sheet. How can you feel that you are missing out when the sheet is fully coloured out.

Quote of the Day: Although the earth comes back to the exact same position with respect to the sun every year, the solar system itself has moved considerably from the position it was in when you were born. So while things remain the same in some ways, they also change. Always.

Friends, Friends.

Thankfully my hangover wasn’t too much of a problem but I made myself promise that I will be more careful next time and I would at least get a friend to drop me home next time instead of taking my chance with it.

On Saturday night I went dancing again. This time it was purely fruit juice like usual. I don’t know what was wrong with me on Friday night. I called Jerry to ask if I would see him, but he had custody of his kids this weekend and so I didn’t see much of him.

The one thing unusual about this weekend was that “The Fire” was making out with Adam. It was actually very romantic to watch them. It kinda made me sad, but I also like to see the “The Fire” making out with other people. I always have. I’m not sure why. I guess I figure that if I can't have anyone then I'd at least have fun watching others. And he is always fun to watch too, the sexy thing that he is. Have I ever described him to you guys? Well, he is this central American guy, who speaks very little English. I can hardly communicate with him. Well, you dont really have to know more than "Do you wanna Dance?" in a club. He is really skinny and has a very cute smile. He is short. Almost the same height as me. I think that’s one of the reason I like him. I go for guys who are my height or around that. He looks really young and smooth. He can dance like you won’t believe. I think that’s the first thing that I liked about him in fact. He was always on the dance floor and he danced for himself and nobody else. There was a certain sense of dignity in him that very few people have. Did I mention that he can dance? He moves his hips around in this really sexy fashion that just drives me wild and he knows that. There as even the time that we both decided that we should not be more than friends and i had to pull his shirt down each time to remind him of that. What I have never figured out until today is his interest in me. “I see you very differently” is something that he said once to me when we were dancing together. But we normally always lock eyes when we look at each other. Once we even almost kissed, before we both kinda moved away. At least, I knew that I should not be doing that. I don’t know about him. Maybe his interest is simply that he can't understand why a person would not be willing to sleep with him. But I guess as long as the mystery remains, I can keep flirting and the tension of not knowing what will happen next is always a good driving factor.

But anyways, I digress. Adam is this nice guy who “The Fire” knows very well. They live very close by too. I have dropped both of them home some day. So when I saw them making out on the dance floor I wasn’t really very surprised. It was quite sweet actually. But later “The Fire” comes up to me and very hesitantly kisses me on my cheek. I promptly kiss him back and smile but keeping the body contact to a minimum. He notices that. So he asks me permission to dance near me. So I make a sign to say that he is welcome to do so. I thought that was strange since he normally asks only when we have had a disagreement. Was he feeling guilty? He does know that I don’t like him dancing with random people (I would'nt dance with him once after he had danced with someone I dont like.) , but Adam is someone who I think is a nice guy, so I don’t think I minded so much. But I guess he didn’t really know that. We both kept our body contact to minimum and after a while of awkwardness, he caught me looking at two other guys who were dancing shirtless and gave me this funny look. Then he tapped me on my shoulder and left. Was he offended? He really didn’t have a right to be. I wasn’t really sure what to make of the whole thing, but I guess the only thing I know is that I should not be over thinking this. But I guess since I am writing this down I am already thinking quite a bit about it.

Anyways, Saturday night wasn’t as bad as my Friday night. And so I reached home quite safely. On Sunday I was chatting on gay.com and happen to see one of my old friends from college. It was a surprise to find out that he was gay too. I was kinda amused. I hadn’t really thought about him being gay. I guess he then becomes the first friend make that an Indian friend, who told me that he was gay. The joys of hindsight allow me to think back and think about how I didn’t realize that at all.

I chatted with him for a while and took down his phone number. I hope I remember to call later in the week. I also called up 2 other good friends of mine. I had the pleasure of telling then that I was gay. One of them was a little skeptical and asked if I was playing joke on him. I informed him otherwise and went on with the conversation. With my other friend I actually went into the details of the story and told him from start to finish and I could tell that it wasn’t completely sinking in for him. So I kept talking to him until he was somewhat comfortable talking about the whole thing. Then I said good night and that was the end of my weekend.

Hangover

I had a very unhappeningly happening weekend I should say. It started off with my going to Chili’s for a nice dinner where I had nothing but a drink and a dessert. Ok ok, I had a Manhattan followed by a Chocolate molten cake. I wasn’t drunk or anything and was even able to drive back quite normally.

But after that I went dancing. I decided to be a little bolder and try an apple martini. That turned out to be a bad decision. I got completely drunk, since I had gulped it down in my hurry to get to the dance floor. I was dancing in my drunken stupor which wasn’t bad at all. I said “Hi” to all the normal people I knew. I was glad to see “The Fire”. He came and danced with me and I was grinding with him for a while. He even asked me why I got so drunk. I guess he is the only person who noticed that I was more drunk than I could handle. But he said nothing more. He left me to my means and didn’t realize that I was puking after a while.

I was just lying there on the bar, waiting for my head to stop spinning. (Dancing in circles when you are drunk doesn’t help at all folks!) quite a few people stopped and asked me if I was fine. A fellow co-worker even introduced himself. I took the chance to ask him to buy me some water since I couldn’t even lift my head for more than 30 seconds. I just waited for a while until the place closed and then I sat in the car for another half hour before I decided that I was fit enough to drive back.

Luckily I reached home quite fine, but just went straight to bed, watch, belt and shoes and all. Waking up with a hangover in the middle of the day on Saturday, I realized that I was still fully clothed from last night and had the worst headache in memory. I remembered the rules of a hangover. I should not take an aspirin and I should try to eat and drink some water. I took an advil with some bread and water and went back to sleep. I woke up an hour later feeling perfectly fine. It was quite a nice day. I went very readily to work, but I decided that I didn’t have much to do and so I was back at home.