Catching up

Anurag O-Wise-One - Yeah, I do think it is a good idea to keep writing whenever I can but I really can’t even promise once a week updates at this point. Thought after the competition will be over my dancing load will be less, most of my regular classes will go on and over that, I am plnning to start training towards my first half marathon. That’s going to take up an extra hour or more every day. So I will be quite busy for another two months at least I think. I will let you guys know if I decide to chicken out of doing it. I am planning to really start working it only after the dance competition is over but i am not sure if i will be able to train in two months time. i know that i can manage about half hour of running right now on any given day but a half marathon is more like two hours. But I am realistically going to try to do 10 miles and then walk the other 3 miles or something like that. I am only looking to complete the race and not compete for speed.

Closettalk – Yes B is very cute and all, but I really had to take my mind off him since I was previously under the impression that his relationship has been stable and that I was a passing distraction. This was a convenient arrangement for me since I was decidedly being single. But ever since I realised that his relationship might be on the verge of collapse, I feel that I might be helping to precipitate the end. I don’t like that. I know it’s none of my business, but I’d rather not invite bad karma. If his relationship was not going well, then he needs to take a clean break and then come to me. It almost seemed like he was trying to make a transition from one relationship to another. I just wasn’t feeling that comfortable with that even though I was emotionally uninvolved.

Yeah, I know the blogsite links are all wrong; I just haven’t had enough time. You on the other hand maintain a fabulous site mah dahling..

Night out

So Turkish guy called me up and says he had a nice time and wanted to know if I am free on Saturday. Unfortunately I am not. I have this dance competition coming up and I had practice scheduled from 7 to 11 with my dance partners at a local ballroom social dance that evening.

But since I couldn’t say No, I said that I would but could only do it after 11. So we decided that we would head out to the club. Dance practice was all good, oh did I tell you guys that I am going to be participating in seven events in Tango, Merengue, foxtrot and cha-cha. Anyways saturday came and I didn’t get as much practice as I would have hoped to get and finally when it was time and I was done with practice, I called him up.

For a grad student he lives pretty nice in my opinion. He lives in a studio all by himself and keeps it pretty clean from what I could see. It’s really close to downtown district and so is very close to my dance classes.

He come down the stairs and hopped into my car. We then drove to the club. We sat together for a while hoping there would be more people who would start dancing. He was smiling a lot more than the previous night and since I like the way he smiles that was a good thing. He actually got to drink alcohol since he wasn’t driving. TheFire came up to us and gave me a peck on the cheek which I politely returned. He waited for me to introduce us and then gave up and asked me to introduce him to TurkishGuy(TG). So I introduce TG as my date at which TheFire’s eyes light up and he smiles. So I gave him an impish smile.

I should maybe mention here that I had met TheFire at the club the week before and he was with someone else looking all broody. The moment I walked up to them, TheFire had gotten up and gave me seven really tight hugs within the span of a minute. I am not sure what that was supposed to tell me, since he was with another guy. So I gave him this dirty look and walked off.

cimng back to this saturday, TheFire then proceeded to ask TG and I to dance with him. I politely declined but TG decided that he wanted to dance afterall. So we danced. TheFire was there all the time dancing side by side with us. TG was really getting his groove on and smiling a lot. This made me happy. A guy that loves to dance always makes me happy. TheFire was also strangely happy. So we were all a bunch of happy guys dancing around. TheFire leans over and whispers to me that he thinks that TG is a really nice guy. So I simply replied that I knew that. Then we made some small talk. Then I and TG made some small talk. Then TG went out to smoke. I went out with him and TheFire followed us out.

So there we were, TheFire and I, not smoking and TG smoking. So apparently he smokes like 2 cigarettes a day since he re-started his smoking recently. Normally I would have never considered dating a guy who smoked but strangely enough, I made an exception for TG. I did know that he smoked even when I asked him out. I am actually glad that he only smokes 2 a day. From his apartment, I couldn’t have told you that he smoked.

TG left us alone for a second to go and put out his cigarette. In the short time that we had, TheFire said to me, “I didn’t have sex with him.” After a brief pause, when I looked puzzled, he added, “The guy, last week”. So I wanted to say, “Why are you telling me this?” which came out more like, “What did you just say?” with one eyebrow raised, which he interpreted to mean, “Yeah, right. I don’t believe you.” He then proceeded to repeat again to me, that he did not have sex with that guy last week and that swore that he was telling me the truth. We both didn’t say a word after TG got back to where were all were standing. I was staring at TheFire. TG said something funny to TheFire and we all went back in. Once we were all back in, TG went to the loo and TheFire again came up and told me that he was telling me the truth. I just stared. I said, “Don’t worry about it.” But not very convincingly. So when TG came back, he said that he liked TG a lot and that he was a nice guy. so TG asked him how he knew and TheFire said that he could see it in his eyes. to which TG and I smiled and kept quiet. He then apologised and said that he wanted to leave us alone.

TG and I spent some time talking around the bar. He was starting to get really drunk and we both ended up yelling like school girls just for the heck of it in an apparent screaming contest. Then we went back to dancing. He was really enjoying the dancing. We did some Bachata moves and some cha-cha moves and he was showing me some flamenco dancing moves.

Overall I think it was a nice time. When I dropped him off we talked about getting together some other time. But over the week my only day that was free and I wasn’t doing dance practice was Tuesday and he emailed to tell me that he wont be able to make it this Tuesday as one of his old friends was going to be in town.

Thursday, I went to this international dance festival with LordOfHearts and had a nice time there. They had some songs from Rang De Basanti.

This weekend, I have the dance competition. I will keep you guys informed of what happened when I get back in town.

First Date

I have been out of the loop the past couple weeks but I haven’t been that quiet in real life. I finally made the decision to start seeing people.

So as a start I decided to ask this Turkish guy out that I had mentioned in the past sometime in my post. He said yes and I was thrilled. We arranged for a simple and quiet date. We had dinner at an afghan restaurant and then walked back to this apartment really close by. We picked up a bottle of wine and a movie on the way. He told me all about his life and I told him all about mine. We talked and we talked.

Normally talking for a long time would be a really a good thing, but the more I talked to him, the more I realized that his life was a copy of mine. Now, I am not sure if the only reason I liked him is because he is so much like me. So as I got to know more about him the more I felt strange. Not a good strange and not a bad strange. Just strange, like I am looking at myself through some twisted mirror.

I bet I have you all confused about what I find so similar to my own. The way he explained it, was that he was initially under the impression that maybe he was bisexual and then eventually moved on to try stuff and finally giving up and realizing that he was indeed gay. Both of us have one elder brother and dread coming out to them for fear of being shushed. How both our parents are from conservative thinking circles and it would be devastating for them to learn that we were gay but still we were quietly sure of who we were and were getting comfortable with that fact.

Anyway, due to all this talking, I somehow quieted up and ended up feeling that the date was way too normal. We watched the movie and drank the wine and talked and then like nice sophisticated people he walked me to my car at 2 in the night in the cold and I went home. There was absolutely nothing physical about it. It was a little more sedate than I would have liked in fact since he is really cute. It was like I was having a re-union with myself if my life was a little different and I was born in turkey. Even though everything was different between us, very little was really fundamentally different.

He is shy. He is nice. He is polite. Seems like a really good person. He is the kind of person that grows on you I suppose. At this point all I can say is that we are either going to be a very warm couple or very good friends.

Busy life!

I haven’t written to the blog in a while. In fact I have been trying to run around just to get things done. I feel that I have started doing a few too many things for me to handle everything at the same time. I have also started considering whether I am in fact not really dependent on this blog anymore. It feels good that I am starting to feel like a decently adjusted Indian gay guy that I don’t feel the need to crib only online. I have friends now who completely understand how I feel and I don’t have to type it all out to get it out of the system.

I have been a bit busier than usual because of my dance practices that have been getting more and more busier. You see, I am doing a group tango dance and a group formation for my dance studio and also performing in five separate dance competitions for amateurs, the salsa, merengue, tango, foxtrot and cha cha. This has been taking up most of my free time on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursday, Fridays and Sundays. The competitions itself is on March 25th. So it will be a bit hectic in my life until then.

I am also trying to compete in the 5 mile run towards the end of April and have been trying to get moving to the gym these days which seems to take up the rest of my time since after that I just don’t feel like doing anything else. All I can do when I come back home is eat meatballs and lie on the couch and watch TV.

My work is in fact starting to suffer and I hope that I will be able to put in some extra hours at work just to catch up with things so that I can be on top of things again. I just don’t feel like I am spending as much time as before and feel that things are starting to creep up on me unexpected too. Life just seems to be a delicate balance between signing up for too much or sitting at home and having too much free time.

My personal life has been doing ok. I went skiing last weekend with some friends. I came back aching all over but I did manage to go and come back two times from the top to the bottom. I went to a ballroom dance on Friday evening with some friends and had a blast. I also went to this gay guy’s house on Saturday night for dinner and had one of the finest dinners at someone’s house. This Saturday is already booked and I have plans to watch a movie with two couples. One gay and one not. So that’s the short version of catching you guys up to speed on what I have been up to.

I am trying to decide between whether or not I should try to retire this blog. I feel that I am getting more and more comfortable with who I am but I also feel somehow that this blog is not quite done yet.

Thoughts: Samba practice at 5:15, tango at 7, gym at 9. I am so tired.

Proteus

Language: Dutchish English.

Story: Powerful movie is about two guys in prison. One a sailor from Amsterdam and the other an African in South Africa. They spent ten years in prison and what starts out being a sexual thing becomes something more tender. Eventually they get put to death for perpetrating unnatural deaths. Even though only one of them confesses under torture, the other willingly confesses when he learns the fate of the other.

After the sentencing of the sailor, the African mutters under his breath, “We did it” and then smiles. They look at each other and give a pained smile. Something was very dignified about that smile.

End: Dignified but a little on the not so happy side.

Boyfriends

Language: British English.

Story: Three couples come together in a weekend getaway, each with a different kind of a relationship.
End: Happy.

My First Time

Language: British.

Story: Documentary about gay sex and why you should always use condoms. It goes through multiple scenarios and uses male sex as a background making the documentary more interesting. I think it’s a good watch for anyone how hasn’t been through sex education in school other than 5 pages in a biology textbook.

Hole

Language: English.

Story: The urban legend that there exists a video tape that will make you gay is coming true in this movie. A guy desperately tries to understand what’s happening to him.

It’s basically a porn movie.
End: It’s a funny movie with a happy ending. But as I said, its porn.

Feeding boys, Ayaya

Language: Chinese.

Story: Depressing movie about a guy who becomes a male hustler in China. It just didn’t make too much sense to me.
End: Depressing. I don’t think I even understood it.

Bedrooms and Hallways

Language: British English

Story: The lead Character joins a men’s therapy group where they celebrate being a guy. Strangely enough, this is not bunch of gay guys. But one gay guy, becomes attracted to this other guy who also falls for me. This leads to a tangled web of relationships when the other guys ex-wife becomes a close friend of this first guy and they realise that the second guy left his wife for this guy. In the end the gay guy is no longer gay and falls ni love with the ex-wife.
End: Hopeful, but I don’t like the part where he is no longer gay and falls for the woman. That pretty much killed it for me. Otherwise I think it’s a good movie.

Rendezvous at the golden gate bed and breakfast

Language: English

Story: Bunch of guys fantasizing in a bed and breakfast in SF. Its basically porn.

Einstein of sex

Language: German

Story: This guy Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, realizes he is gay and works for gay rights in 1900 Germany. This ain’t no easy task as you might have realised. The movie moves quick through his life. The transvestite maid, the young love, the ex boyfriend. It makes you feel really charged up when you see gay people treated the ay they are in the movie. So all the gay people pretty much try to keep it closed up or try very hard not to offend anyone since anyone who is vaguely irritated with you could call up the police and have you arrested.

End: Hopeful. Makes you feel connected the gay rights movement from so early on.

Latin boys go to hell

Language: English.

Story: This cute latino guy falls in love with his cousin who moves into this house for a while. The cousin also cares for the guy but is not gay. His acute catholic upbringing keeps him from expressing his feelings. Eventually, both of them die in a shooting accident when the cousin dies trying to stop him from getting shot at.

End: Sad. Slow moving and depressing movie.

Come Undone (Presque Rien)

Language: French.

Story: guy meets guy at beach. Falls in love and moves away from family. Gets depressed and falls out of love with guy and moves back to beach location where they had first met. There he meets another guy.

End: Hopeful. But the movie was somewhat slow and depressing to me.

Old Testament

Language: Chinese

Story: Three independent stories about guys in China trying to come out but overcome by family pressures either decided to get married or stay away from people they love.

End: Not so happy, not too sad either.

Under one Roof

Language: English

Story: Chinese gay guy in SF who lives with his mom. He seems to be attached to this guy who rents the basement. They fall in love. Mom gets upset. They break up and guy moves out. Eventually mom comes around after taking to another gay guy’s mom and find the basement dweller and brings him back home. Guys are very happy.

This was a story I felt I could relate to. Another movie I would like my mom to watch when I come out.

End: Happy.

Sherlock: The private life of Sherlock Holmes

Language: English.

Story: The movies makes hints around how Sherlock might be gay and might not be gay. In one instance he even insists that he is gay to avoid a lady who is after him. He seems so much more comfortable being gay than straight. He also dislikes women and is hooked to drugs. Yeah, he’s gay alright! J

End: Good.

9 Dead Gay Guys

Language: British.

Story: Really funny movie about how two friends make money around London by giving people blowjobs. In the process they come across 9 guys who die. It’s a really really funny movie which makes little sense but it still good time pass. There is even this Indian gay guy called Deepak in the movie. He is dead gay guy number 4, I think.

End: Funny. Happy.