San Diego Trip
I’ve been traveling a lot and have a lot to tell.
Hm…lets start. I was in St Louis for a week and the week was so boring. I was unable to see anything there since I did not have a rental car with me and all I did was stay in the hotel room and read up on reference manuals and questions that might be asked by the customer. It gave a chance to now my boss really well though. He appears so put together at work, but I had a chance to see how he drives and he seem like a very bumbling kind of person. He forgot the washer liquid for his contacts; he forgot his laptop power cord. He left his prescription medicines in the room when he checked out. And then in the airport he was sitting at the wrong gate and the plane would have left unless we had called him and told him that he was the only on missing at the gate. I don’t know if this was a bad week or just him.
The next week I had to go to San Diego for some IBM training in AIX Unix. It was a very good week. Almost a vacation since the instructor would leave us by early afternoon and we always had a lot of time to seethe city. I had a rental car this time and since I had no co-workers with me I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to do. I took one of those dining guides and went around trying the best restaurants in a different cuisine each night. They had in fact sent me over a day in advance since the flight tickets were about a third of the cost as opposed to sending me out on Sunday so I got to stay the weekend on company expense with nothing to do but see the city. So seeing how we were on the border with Mexico I explored some of my options. I drove right up to the last exit and then parked there for 6 bucks and followed the crowd of sort of Mexican people and American teenagers crossing the border. I realized that getting into Mexico was just walking down the street. As I kept going I crossed two revolving chain doors and I was in Mexico. The whole downtown part of the city of Tijuana is build right across from the crossing within a mile. So I was able to find my gay club really easy after walking through some of the streets and looking thru them for trinkets. It was late at night but still lot of hawkers on the streets. The streets themselves were pretty shady. There were guys who kept asking me if I wanted to see boobs and when I didn’t respond they repeated with “titties” like I didn’t understand them. There was disgust on my face, I’m not sure from the way he said it or the word he used. The smells were reminding me of Indian railway stations about 20 years ago. It was strangely amusing to me to be in such a place less than a mile from the US border. Such contrast. Interesting this in itself did not disgust me. It was very nostalgic. I felt familiarity.
I walked into the gay club which was slowly starting to fill up. I walked around the club. It was somewhat shady and dark like most clubs but somewhat different. I saw that the dance floor was surrounded by glass. It is unusual because I think most clubs avoid glass since it’s easily broken. I think. But here it was surrounded by glass. After a while I realized how it was. I was sitting by myself at a comfy corner when I spied people going into this dark room that I couldn’t really see in even after all the craning of my neck. A guy came back out all excited and was telling his buddies all about what he saw. Obviously my curiously now piqued I finally got up and walked over. It was dark but I soon came to realize that around the dance floor it wasn’t glass but really rooms build all around with see through glass from one side such that u can sit in one of these rooms and watch the dance floor. Sort of a private room with seating on two sides of about 4 people. I didn’t go in too far but since I didn’t see anyone in one of the rooms I just sat down there. I was watching the people dance when after about 5 minutes a guy looking very Mexican with completely hair full of hair product came in to the room. He was looking in and since I was alone I guess decided to come in. that’s when it hit me that this was a place where people could really play around. I was curiously excited. Maybe it was the fear that I might be doing something illegal in a country I am not so familiar with. It really excited me.
Its been a while since I have given hooking up with strange people after a Norwegian flight attendant I had hooked up with had made me swear off all hook ups when he tried to force me to do drugs with him. He was a very extremely good looking and polite guy who was doing some sort of drug, and after I had refused and we were doing it in his hotel room in downtown Chicago, when I suddenly realized that he had closed one of my nostrils and I smelt something chemical in my other nostril. The moment I had realized that I had stopped breathing and had started breathing with my mouth. I was out of that room in the next five minutes. It always takes a slightly scary experience for me to think about it. I kept repeating it in my head and was wondering why such a good looking person and seemingly successful person needed to do drugs. I kept asking myself why and all I knew was that I didn’t want to turn out like him. Its hard to keep your innocence when you are exploring by yourself but from that moment I wanted to hold on to whatever innocence I had left. I am not sure if innocence is the right word to use but that’s as close as I can think of it.
Anyways, coming back to this Mexican guy. As I was saying, it was somewhat exciting to me that I had my passport in my back pocket on the right and my green card in my wallet in the right. But I saw that he was way more unsure of this that me and so as I sat back coolly and saw what he was up to he was actually trembling. He reached out and touched me and I was at high altitude there. Normally people who do this sort of thing are always very creepy looking but this guy looked pretty well dressed. So I was assuring myself that he wasn’t there to pick my pocket and Mexicans were too homophobic to come to a gay club to pick someone’s pocket. I know it sounds like stupid logic now but it seemed perfectly sane then. He reached over and touched me and would withdraw as soon as we saw shadows coming closer to this room. After a few minutes he took my hand and tugged on it. I sat there not moving. I tugged again with a pleading look in his eyes. Note that he hadn’t said a word so far which isn’t the most surprising thing though in such a situation. I followed and he led me to another room where there was a door on the room and he simply shut the door and we made out like no tomorrow. I think I was gaining confidence in this tryst and didn’t find him all that shady anymore. Hands were everywhere. And then someone knocked and pushed the door in and just stood there and stared at us making out. He just stood there while we made out. We stopped. He stood for a minutes waiting for us to resume and then left. Then this guy takes my hand and takes me to another room. I am thinking now that this guy knows this place really well. Anyways, this room does not have a glass side to the dance floor and is really dark. It seems to also have a latch. He latches it and out pants come down. My brain is still mentally tracking the passport and wallet in my jeans. They are still there. We both jack off really quick and there is stuff he wipes on the walls. I wonder what this place might look like in the light. Must be filled with stuff. He starts to pull up his pants and I check to see if my passport and wallet are still in place. They are. So then he kisses me on the cheeks and then leaves. I leave a minute after. I make sure everything in my wallet is still in place after I get out and then dance for a few minutes before leaving.
I walk back to the border and hawkers are still on the roadside and the border crossing is still back up with cars in the dead of night. People keep talking to me in Spanish. I realize that I know enough Spanish to understand what most of them say but I just can’t form the words fast as them. I was asking for directions to the border to one some boy and he had no idea what I was saying but them I translated into Spanish and asked and he pointed me in the right direction. The border was quite easy to cross with a green card when u are walking. You just keep walking and wave the card and they vaguely look at it and they don’t even swipe it or keep a record. Its more lax than airport security to go within US cities. I walked back to my car and drove back to my hotel room.
After this episode, I though I had my share of fun was over. I spent one evening checkout out the harbor area and it was very beautiful. Another night I went out to La Jolla, which is a beautiful beach area where all the rich people live. Lots of art studios and spas and expensive boutiques. But Friday came and my class was over early morning and so I went to check out the gay neighborhood in San Diego. As expected it was pretty toned down during the day. I walked up and down the gay book stores and found some very interesting books. “Finding the boyfriend Within”, “The best little boy in the world”, and “The ultimate guide to anal sex for men” are the books I bought. Each was about 10 bucks and the one was just 50 cents on the sidewalk sale. I browsed through a lot of other interesting books that id like to own but were too expensive for me to own. One of the books I looked at was this book of old gay couples who have been together for a long time and a little bit about each of them. It was very sweet. It made me realize that I was still the romantic that I thought I was too cynical now to be.
Anyways, when I had come to the place, I had booked myself in for a facial at one of the many spas in the area. Gay areas are the best places to make money opening spas. It was still an hour until my facial appointment and so I went to a salon and was trying to decide whether I should get something done to my hair or get a pedicure. I decided that a facial after a hair cut was a bit odd. So I signed up for a manicure and a pedicure. There was this absolutely queeny guy who said he was Vietnamese. I am normally very nice to queeny guys. After the manicure, the pedicure which was supposed to take 15 minutes started. I was the only one getting a pedicure in the middle of a Friday afternoon and so we were alone and my jeans were rolled up till my knees so they wouldn’t get wet when my feet are soaked. He started massaging my feet above my ankles and was doing that for a long time. All the while he was telling me how well build Indians are and how sexy the muscles on my legs were. I was actually very much enjoying the massage being given to my calf muscles and was thinking that this was a great pedicure. That’s when he started massaging higher and higher and his hands slowly went over my knees and he reached in for my inner thighs and I was laying back with my eyes closed and talking to him. I got really quiet at this point and wasn’t sure what was going on since I was almost positive that this isn’t part of any pedicure and then he took his hand and put it on my boy parts and that’s when I opened my eyes and shot him this glance that this was not ok. I cannot imagine how a person would do this within close proximity of his co-workers. The 15 minute pedicure had taken 45 minutes. I have to say that the massage was good and I didn’t have to pay him anything extra and I felt guilty that I might have led him on because I should have known that that wasn’t part of the pedicure. While he was cleaning up he didn’t ask me out to a movie on Sunday and I told him politely that I was not from San Diego and that I wouldn’t be around. He said, on Sunday there wont be anyone around and I have a key to this place and I will give u a free massage and I repeated again that I wouldn’t be here to receive the treatment. I have to say that I walked out of there grinning from ear to ear.
I went to my facial with squeaky clean fingers and toes. The spa was really very relaxing and when I got in the woman asked me to take my clothes off completely if I wanted and I repeated to her that I was only getting a facial and I was suspicious now of everyone. She said that since it is an hour long, some people just like to take their clothes off too so they feel relaxed when lying down. So I got my shirt and jeans off but I kept my under garments on. I covered myself before she came back in. we talked about the most random things in the world and as we did, I noticed that her hands were coming down from the neck area and now she was massaging my shoulders. I was wondering if I should maybe have taken my vest off and then it struck me. Does a facial always come with a shoulder massage. Hm…well, this time it was a woman and that somehow comforted me. She went back to my face soon and the hour was up. It felt so short.
I will try to post some more this week before I head to India on Saturday so u guys are caught up on all my activities till present. I have decided that I am not going to be coming out this time. I had first noticed it last week that I was getting really stressed out about my upcoming vacation. I knew it wasn’t going to go well and so I have talked it over with a friend and have decided that I am going to tell them just enough to put an end to the whole marriage issue. I am telling them that its not for me. Obviously I am going to have to fudge the details a little bit as far as the reasons are concerned and leave it open ended about the reasons. But I think I will have an easier time if I can make them think and come to the conclusion instead of surprising them with the facts. If they ask me if I’m gay I am planning to give a very ambiguous lie, “I don’t know, I will tell when I feel sure that I can answer that question.”. Obviously it’s a lie, but I somehow feel that this way I wont be thrusting it on them but not denying it either. I feel comfortable letting it get to the ambiguous point. So that’s the plan. God knows what will happen to the plan. Things seldom go exactly as planned.
Hm…lets start. I was in St Louis for a week and the week was so boring. I was unable to see anything there since I did not have a rental car with me and all I did was stay in the hotel room and read up on reference manuals and questions that might be asked by the customer. It gave a chance to now my boss really well though. He appears so put together at work, but I had a chance to see how he drives and he seem like a very bumbling kind of person. He forgot the washer liquid for his contacts; he forgot his laptop power cord. He left his prescription medicines in the room when he checked out. And then in the airport he was sitting at the wrong gate and the plane would have left unless we had called him and told him that he was the only on missing at the gate. I don’t know if this was a bad week or just him.
The next week I had to go to San Diego for some IBM training in AIX Unix. It was a very good week. Almost a vacation since the instructor would leave us by early afternoon and we always had a lot of time to seethe city. I had a rental car this time and since I had no co-workers with me I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to do. I took one of those dining guides and went around trying the best restaurants in a different cuisine each night. They had in fact sent me over a day in advance since the flight tickets were about a third of the cost as opposed to sending me out on Sunday so I got to stay the weekend on company expense with nothing to do but see the city. So seeing how we were on the border with Mexico I explored some of my options. I drove right up to the last exit and then parked there for 6 bucks and followed the crowd of sort of Mexican people and American teenagers crossing the border. I realized that getting into Mexico was just walking down the street. As I kept going I crossed two revolving chain doors and I was in Mexico. The whole downtown part of the city of Tijuana is build right across from the crossing within a mile. So I was able to find my gay club really easy after walking through some of the streets and looking thru them for trinkets. It was late at night but still lot of hawkers on the streets. The streets themselves were pretty shady. There were guys who kept asking me if I wanted to see boobs and when I didn’t respond they repeated with “titties” like I didn’t understand them. There was disgust on my face, I’m not sure from the way he said it or the word he used. The smells were reminding me of Indian railway stations about 20 years ago. It was strangely amusing to me to be in such a place less than a mile from the US border. Such contrast. Interesting this in itself did not disgust me. It was very nostalgic. I felt familiarity.
I walked into the gay club which was slowly starting to fill up. I walked around the club. It was somewhat shady and dark like most clubs but somewhat different. I saw that the dance floor was surrounded by glass. It is unusual because I think most clubs avoid glass since it’s easily broken. I think. But here it was surrounded by glass. After a while I realized how it was. I was sitting by myself at a comfy corner when I spied people going into this dark room that I couldn’t really see in even after all the craning of my neck. A guy came back out all excited and was telling his buddies all about what he saw. Obviously my curiously now piqued I finally got up and walked over. It was dark but I soon came to realize that around the dance floor it wasn’t glass but really rooms build all around with see through glass from one side such that u can sit in one of these rooms and watch the dance floor. Sort of a private room with seating on two sides of about 4 people. I didn’t go in too far but since I didn’t see anyone in one of the rooms I just sat down there. I was watching the people dance when after about 5 minutes a guy looking very Mexican with completely hair full of hair product came in to the room. He was looking in and since I was alone I guess decided to come in. that’s when it hit me that this was a place where people could really play around. I was curiously excited. Maybe it was the fear that I might be doing something illegal in a country I am not so familiar with. It really excited me.
Its been a while since I have given hooking up with strange people after a Norwegian flight attendant I had hooked up with had made me swear off all hook ups when he tried to force me to do drugs with him. He was a very extremely good looking and polite guy who was doing some sort of drug, and after I had refused and we were doing it in his hotel room in downtown Chicago, when I suddenly realized that he had closed one of my nostrils and I smelt something chemical in my other nostril. The moment I had realized that I had stopped breathing and had started breathing with my mouth. I was out of that room in the next five minutes. It always takes a slightly scary experience for me to think about it. I kept repeating it in my head and was wondering why such a good looking person and seemingly successful person needed to do drugs. I kept asking myself why and all I knew was that I didn’t want to turn out like him. Its hard to keep your innocence when you are exploring by yourself but from that moment I wanted to hold on to whatever innocence I had left. I am not sure if innocence is the right word to use but that’s as close as I can think of it.
Anyways, coming back to this Mexican guy. As I was saying, it was somewhat exciting to me that I had my passport in my back pocket on the right and my green card in my wallet in the right. But I saw that he was way more unsure of this that me and so as I sat back coolly and saw what he was up to he was actually trembling. He reached out and touched me and I was at high altitude there. Normally people who do this sort of thing are always very creepy looking but this guy looked pretty well dressed. So I was assuring myself that he wasn’t there to pick my pocket and Mexicans were too homophobic to come to a gay club to pick someone’s pocket. I know it sounds like stupid logic now but it seemed perfectly sane then. He reached over and touched me and would withdraw as soon as we saw shadows coming closer to this room. After a few minutes he took my hand and tugged on it. I sat there not moving. I tugged again with a pleading look in his eyes. Note that he hadn’t said a word so far which isn’t the most surprising thing though in such a situation. I followed and he led me to another room where there was a door on the room and he simply shut the door and we made out like no tomorrow. I think I was gaining confidence in this tryst and didn’t find him all that shady anymore. Hands were everywhere. And then someone knocked and pushed the door in and just stood there and stared at us making out. He just stood there while we made out. We stopped. He stood for a minutes waiting for us to resume and then left. Then this guy takes my hand and takes me to another room. I am thinking now that this guy knows this place really well. Anyways, this room does not have a glass side to the dance floor and is really dark. It seems to also have a latch. He latches it and out pants come down. My brain is still mentally tracking the passport and wallet in my jeans. They are still there. We both jack off really quick and there is stuff he wipes on the walls. I wonder what this place might look like in the light. Must be filled with stuff. He starts to pull up his pants and I check to see if my passport and wallet are still in place. They are. So then he kisses me on the cheeks and then leaves. I leave a minute after. I make sure everything in my wallet is still in place after I get out and then dance for a few minutes before leaving.
I walk back to the border and hawkers are still on the roadside and the border crossing is still back up with cars in the dead of night. People keep talking to me in Spanish. I realize that I know enough Spanish to understand what most of them say but I just can’t form the words fast as them. I was asking for directions to the border to one some boy and he had no idea what I was saying but them I translated into Spanish and asked and he pointed me in the right direction. The border was quite easy to cross with a green card when u are walking. You just keep walking and wave the card and they vaguely look at it and they don’t even swipe it or keep a record. Its more lax than airport security to go within US cities. I walked back to my car and drove back to my hotel room.
After this episode, I though I had my share of fun was over. I spent one evening checkout out the harbor area and it was very beautiful. Another night I went out to La Jolla, which is a beautiful beach area where all the rich people live. Lots of art studios and spas and expensive boutiques. But Friday came and my class was over early morning and so I went to check out the gay neighborhood in San Diego. As expected it was pretty toned down during the day. I walked up and down the gay book stores and found some very interesting books. “Finding the boyfriend Within”, “The best little boy in the world”, and “The ultimate guide to anal sex for men” are the books I bought. Each was about 10 bucks and the one was just 50 cents on the sidewalk sale. I browsed through a lot of other interesting books that id like to own but were too expensive for me to own. One of the books I looked at was this book of old gay couples who have been together for a long time and a little bit about each of them. It was very sweet. It made me realize that I was still the romantic that I thought I was too cynical now to be.
Anyways, when I had come to the place, I had booked myself in for a facial at one of the many spas in the area. Gay areas are the best places to make money opening spas. It was still an hour until my facial appointment and so I went to a salon and was trying to decide whether I should get something done to my hair or get a pedicure. I decided that a facial after a hair cut was a bit odd. So I signed up for a manicure and a pedicure. There was this absolutely queeny guy who said he was Vietnamese. I am normally very nice to queeny guys. After the manicure, the pedicure which was supposed to take 15 minutes started. I was the only one getting a pedicure in the middle of a Friday afternoon and so we were alone and my jeans were rolled up till my knees so they wouldn’t get wet when my feet are soaked. He started massaging my feet above my ankles and was doing that for a long time. All the while he was telling me how well build Indians are and how sexy the muscles on my legs were. I was actually very much enjoying the massage being given to my calf muscles and was thinking that this was a great pedicure. That’s when he started massaging higher and higher and his hands slowly went over my knees and he reached in for my inner thighs and I was laying back with my eyes closed and talking to him. I got really quiet at this point and wasn’t sure what was going on since I was almost positive that this isn’t part of any pedicure and then he took his hand and put it on my boy parts and that’s when I opened my eyes and shot him this glance that this was not ok. I cannot imagine how a person would do this within close proximity of his co-workers. The 15 minute pedicure had taken 45 minutes. I have to say that the massage was good and I didn’t have to pay him anything extra and I felt guilty that I might have led him on because I should have known that that wasn’t part of the pedicure. While he was cleaning up he didn’t ask me out to a movie on Sunday and I told him politely that I was not from San Diego and that I wouldn’t be around. He said, on Sunday there wont be anyone around and I have a key to this place and I will give u a free massage and I repeated again that I wouldn’t be here to receive the treatment. I have to say that I walked out of there grinning from ear to ear.
I went to my facial with squeaky clean fingers and toes. The spa was really very relaxing and when I got in the woman asked me to take my clothes off completely if I wanted and I repeated to her that I was only getting a facial and I was suspicious now of everyone. She said that since it is an hour long, some people just like to take their clothes off too so they feel relaxed when lying down. So I got my shirt and jeans off but I kept my under garments on. I covered myself before she came back in. we talked about the most random things in the world and as we did, I noticed that her hands were coming down from the neck area and now she was massaging my shoulders. I was wondering if I should maybe have taken my vest off and then it struck me. Does a facial always come with a shoulder massage. Hm…well, this time it was a woman and that somehow comforted me. She went back to my face soon and the hour was up. It felt so short.
I will try to post some more this week before I head to India on Saturday so u guys are caught up on all my activities till present. I have decided that I am not going to be coming out this time. I had first noticed it last week that I was getting really stressed out about my upcoming vacation. I knew it wasn’t going to go well and so I have talked it over with a friend and have decided that I am going to tell them just enough to put an end to the whole marriage issue. I am telling them that its not for me. Obviously I am going to have to fudge the details a little bit as far as the reasons are concerned and leave it open ended about the reasons. But I think I will have an easier time if I can make them think and come to the conclusion instead of surprising them with the facts. If they ask me if I’m gay I am planning to give a very ambiguous lie, “I don’t know, I will tell when I feel sure that I can answer that question.”. Obviously it’s a lie, but I somehow feel that this way I wont be thrusting it on them but not denying it either. I feel comfortable letting it get to the ambiguous point. So that’s the plan. God knows what will happen to the plan. Things seldom go exactly as planned.
posted by Dunce Happy at 12:48 AM
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