The Dimentions of Life

Latino boi is having his exams and I am trying to give him some space. This left me with a lot of time to myself. I ended up chatting on the net. I made a few friends and a few enemies. But mostly they were all from the same town as I am and it was interesting to see two other Indian guys in the chat room.

One of them was openly gay and was glad to chat with me. It was really cool, since it turned out that I did kind of know him. My friend from graduate school had told me about another Indian gay guy in town when I came out to him. It turned out that the guy I was chatting with was him. So we ended up chatting with each other a while. We both were watching the same TV show and ended up enjoying watching the show while chatting with each other.

The other one was a guy from work apparently. He saw my picture and said that he was starting to get a tiny bit uncomfortable. Since he had his back turned in his picture, I said that I would respect his privacy and let him be, if he wanted to chat with me anonymously. The one thing all gay people can all identify with is to give people their time to be able to come out on their own. With south asian gays I think its even more so. We all need so much time. It’s really easy to say once you are out that other people should come out. But each persons family is different and it’s hard to disappoint them since your family has worked so hard for your success. And yet we all want to be self actualised and be who we are. Conflicting? Yes, sometimes.

TheRock has gone away to India on a trip to get married. He won’t be back for another month. With Latinoboi having exams and TheRock going away to India, my weekend was dastardly slow. I think I was trying to find something to do and came up with absolutely noting each time I thought about. I do realise that it is simply laziness but I blame the weather too. It was raining and all you wanted to do was to go back under the sheets and keep your toes warm for those ten extra minutes.

LordofHearts and I went to a concert on Friday evening on the way to picking up EternalGirlfriend. A small pub with loud live music. Smell of beer everywhere. Young college folks almost hippie like. In fact there were a few that were hippies. One of the female hippies in fact looked really good. She knew how to work the hippie look. Were all these people inside simply to avoid the drenched outside weather? Oh who knows. We looked at all the people around the band who were completely drunk and looked like they in some other dream world. It was vaguely amusing to simply watch them. Some dancing. Some moving. Some swaying their heads. People are so fascinating.

We picked up EternalGirlFriend and drove homewards. Seemed surreal. Rain lashing down on us while we drove through some dark unused roads on the way home. The moon shining above the clouds. We talked in almost a hushed tone. None of us felt like being too loud. Almost like we didn’t want to be heard above the sounds of the car and the weather. We talked about whether EternalGirlFriend wanted to move permanently to the Big City. She was undecided about it. She said that it was great place right now, but it might not be so great once they have kids. I pointed out that their future kids won’t be in school for another 5 or so years. She mumbled something about the LordOfHearts never wanting to have kids and then continued on, that maybe they should move to the Big City and then move back here after a few years.

Another dear friend of mine from my grad school called me up after a long long time. He is getting married in December to his long time girlfriend. They both work together in for the same company in Texas. He has also given his GMAT.

Everybody around me seems to be doing something to further their careers but I don’t seem to be thinking about it all. I am so content with my career. I don’t particularly care if I do the same thing for another 30 odd years. Management seems like such a stressful job. Am I being lazy? Is this a sign that I am comfortable with my personal life that I have started thinking about my professional growth now? Do I really need more money? Not that I would object if I get more but I don’t need it, I suppose. Hm….

Mood: Contemplative.

Spring into Life

Latino Boy has been rather good for me. He is a pretty boy. But since he is only 20 years old, we can go to restaurants but we never have alcohol and we can’t go clubbing either. So I’ve been missing the club for the past month or so. But interestingly enough, there are others upsides to Latino boy who has a zest for Hindi movies and I am seeing a lot more Hindi movies in the last week that I have this whole year. His pronunciation of Hindi words is adorable and makes me smile every time. He is in school and also works about 25 hours and so we don’t really have much time other than a few evenings a week. We spend most of our time at my place, watching movies or going out to eat and then getting home. I want to go out during weekend days but I can’t. I just hang out with friends while he works.

LordOfHearts called me up, Sunday afternoon. He was coming back to town from the BigCity after a fight with EternalGirlFriend about whether to have sex in the night or in the morning. I take it that it was kind of a minor argument since he didn’t seem particularly disturbed by it or anything. So we went out with the top down on his convertible smelling the smells of the countryside. Yes, I do mean the smell of cows here. Yes, I mean the smell of cow dung really. But also, flowers, cool breeze and green mountains. But anyways, convertible was fun for the most part. We went out to this state park about an hours drive away which I really love and spend a lot of time by myself every summer. But we had taken a lot o stuff to eat and we had this great discussion about how I love renaissance art and mainly revolving around the gay theme of Ganymede and how he enamoured Zeus. Then we talked about homosexuality and what Socrates and Plato thought of it and where the word platonic comes from. Apparently, Plato considered love for a man really quite supreme but he said that sex would spoil its beauty and hence the word platonic. It helps to realize that he also thought that sex was meant only for procreation. He considered love and sex in completely different lights.

My friend TheRock is getting married this month and is going to India for a month. His fiancé of two years is going to get back and I can’t help but wonder if our relationship will remain the same. I have been musing on the dynamic between him and me for a few days now. It’s completely platonic but I really do like the guy. Somewhat like my brother. Things are mostly left unspoken but neither of us is a complainer and so we get along great and like to spend time with each other. We have very similar backgrounds and hence share a whole deal of similar likes and dislikes. And yet we are so different. I hope he is one of those people that I remain friends with for my whole lifetime.

I also recently came across this website that has stories of the “Vikram Aur betal” on the net and read it. It has been nice to refresh memories of those. I have always like the little stories from Jataka tales or Panchatantra but some of those are meant for kids but “Vikram Aur Betal” was something that I wasn’t really bored of reading. I was glad to have refreshed my memory.

Coming back to Latino boy, I really need to talk to him about what exactly we are doing together. Its not that I am looking for a very long term future but I have always felt that if something doesn’t have a future then I have no interest in doing it further since I feel that its is sort of pointless. So at least I need to talk to him and ascertain that we are doing OK for now being with each other. I am sort of undecided on this because I don’t want to talk about something and over examine it and ruin it but I have to be true to myself and if something seems pointless to me then I need to end it soon. So I’ll let you guys know how it’s going.

Mood: Life is going dashingly well. I have reached a state that I am happy with myself. Just that simple fact is enough reason for me to smile.